I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
