Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
