Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
