How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
