meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
