I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
