you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize