I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize