I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
