I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
