I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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