A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
