well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
