Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize