either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
