saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You need Xanax blowdarts
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
