Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
