I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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