do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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