I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
