k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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