This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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