I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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