UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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