is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
