Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think your dad took our porno
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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