apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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