I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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