Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
