What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
