What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
