At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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