I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
