clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
