So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
