Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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