Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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