hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
