We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
