it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize