we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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