He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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