I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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