i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
True strength comes from lack of pants
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
