another moral hangover. fuck.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
