Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
