Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
only you would photoshop your dick
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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