Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
