the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
