my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
