We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
