Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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