i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
