yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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