where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
