so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we have officially lost it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
