I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
