Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
