i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
