this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
