Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
