I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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