i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
