I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
