Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
