I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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