white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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