dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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