69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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