Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
