she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
