I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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