Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
