so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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