Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
