going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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