Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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