I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
