The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
