dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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