Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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