So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
