Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
