She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
