you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
